its not the end...i cant let it be


All I wanted was a conclusion, on the never ending moments of our past. I don’t hate you, am not mad at you anymore. I don’t particularly miss you but I haven’t forgotten you either. How do I describe this calmness in my soul that comes with a, certain selfishness of my heart? How do I describe this smile that isn’t fake but built on the pain I have dealt? How do I explain that my eyes wander, not to escape you but to find myself?

I tell my story to the world through an eternal silence; I live my future in an eternal confusion and I find my present in a constant metamorphosis. I like it. I love it rather; it’s not easy, oh of course not!

You see, I never imagined this day without you, so I am living the unexpected almost every day. So tell me how can I ever hate you for this wonderful gift of adventure?  It’s MY adventure now, you gave it but you are nowhere in it.  

So how do I say I can never bring myself to hate you, but I don’t desire you either?  How do I say, my every step ahead races back to my first step towards you? How do I say that all I want you to know is am here and always will be? How do I say that all I want to know from you is that this is not a bitter end but a better start of something more worthwhile?

How do I ever say that in my heart still remains a memory of a dear friend? 

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