ambitions or craziness

graduating from college gives you weird feelings you are happy tat finally you have graduated and no more exams , sleepless nights spent over assignments and projects and at the same time no more daily hangout wid friends either. but that's still something very common. i went and collected my final year mark sheet yesterday. somehow i was not excited to see it, I was not excited to know my result. I knew i wud pass, n i did, may be tats y i don't feel the excitement. what i had always worried abt is making this education worth all the money i paid for it. but here i am having second thoughts about changing fields, that wud include another 3-4 yrs of college education and 4-5 lakhs of rupees, neither of which i am willing to spend. worst is i don't noe which field to get into if i actually do change. this has always been a problem for me since i was school kid. y cant i fix my mind to one thing? i have been accused of being unstable all my life. honestly, i don't want a career, i don't want a job, its only the obvious course of life , and it so doesn't appeal to me. yet i was excited when i got a call from Greenpeace(India) today. it wasn't a proper job but still much more than i expected. 'THEY CALLED" tat to after having posted my resume only once, a response tat soon felt really great. but a thought creeped in my head, 'everything tat is great and happening to soon to be able to believe it,expect something to go wrong,. I noe tats negative thinking, but only time will tell wat the future has in store for me.

i cant answer when people ask me 'wat exactly do u want to do in your life, wats ur ambition', although i blabber sm intellectual thing, i know its only to satisfy my parents. deep inside i just wanna take trips around the world meet strange people, eat strange food and do things i don't know how to do, make memories with people i called friends, people who understand me and people whom i understand. the only problem is, everything costs, in the world where even water is not free, i dream to become 'Hsüan-tsang' . just tat I wanna see the entire world not just one country.
if i tell people in my family this is my ambition they will faint for sure.