PURNAMIDAM - mindlessly mindful

So its true after all...humans are primarily animals with emotions that are namesake and relations that are baggage. Life goes on and we just get use to it. Everything it throws at us whether we hate it or like, we just pick it up, live with it and even learn to love it. Erasing all the traces of good and bad, all the traces of true and false, all the traces of friends, family and enemies erasing all the traces of permanent and  temporary.....w e just accept it with a defeat, as if it has been like this forever and it will be. But the truth is, we just don't care about anything and anyone beyond us, precisely the only thing that differentiates us from animals.

In a church, when I don’t press my palms together and pretend to pray like everyone else, but just stare at that poor man hung on a cross drenched in his own blood and pain. Father: what do u look at, so intensely child? Me: I wonder father. Father: what do you ponder on? Me: whom do I pray for? Me or this man hung up here? Father: He doesn't need prayers; He is the one who answers our prayers. He is the son of God. Me: hahhaha father do you really believe that? Look at him!!!! What have you been smoking? hahhaha Father: (smiles) you are not a Christian are you? Me: how is that any different from me being a Christian?  Father: what is your religion, child? Me: no. religion doesn't belong to me. Father: oh! So you’re the atheist types  Me: oh no, I have faith, I have a lot of faith Father: in what? Me: in me, in my God. Well he is actually not just mine, just that when he is with me he is a...

Exactly 2 weeks from now, I was in a different world with the same people that I am now, but doing something different. Not far from the  gregarious metropolis Mumbai is place called Matheran. My friend asked me what it means I deciphered the word and gave her a literal meaning, ‘the forest on the forehead’. ‘Matha’ as in forehead and ‘Ran’ meaning forest. I don’t know if my answer was correct but nonetheless I told her and she bought it, confidence can do wonders huh! It was a last minute plan like all our plans and a result of a flop plan ‘A’. trust me there is a reason why plan ‘A’ fails, and a good one. We were scheduled to go to my grandmother’s house. A village on the outskirts of the city and on the verge of breaking puberty and entering town-hood. But, didn’t happen. Somewhere am glad it didn’t happen, of course I made a sad face and promised a visit to my grandma for the next month. So plan B was made within 2 hrs. One of my friend’s family friends lived ...

water color painting

the roster pencil doodles colored in photoshop

some dreamy doodles one with color this time. medium: pencil, color pencils copy on the colored doodle(in case its not visible): if wings had eyes of their own, they would probably fly to nowhere

keep me anywhere i don't belong, give a pencil and a paper and this is what will happen

Am no God, don't expect me to be perfect. yes i make mistakes and regret them. and i DO say sorry too, provided you wanna hear it. if not i just throw a sorry in the universe and hope it reaches you in your sound health. i regret my mistakes enough to not repeat them but not enough to beat myself about it to end all fun or to end all life in me.  unapologetic as it may seem, practical is what i think about it. so yes i have hurt many people, shoved off the ones who showered me with their love, doubted people who genuinely have been nice to me. why is it wrong i ask?  let me repeat 'i am NO god'! i cant forecast fate! i have to weigh both sides of a coin, i have to take my own time to come around. so how is it my fault that you didn't have patience enough to stick around by the time i felt safe. how is it my fault if your friendship/ love/ trust/ blah wasn't strong enough to wait. you think i am a cold person? i am a loner? so be it....

Lily got off her bed in a full stretch. Outside the window the snow shone brilliantly, almost blinding her. She went to the window and closely peered at that lone apple tree in her backyard. The tree had reduced to nothing, but a few broken branches and the trunk.  The memory seemed so vivid as though just yesterday her father had hung her on his shoulders and dug a hole to plant it.  A fleeting sense of sadness passed through her. She quickly went to her desk and pulled out a paper n started scribbling on it. “When summer comes….. Go fishing Shopping Gary’s rollercoaster yard The city zoo Ice cream Skating Go trekking in the woods Camp fire in the backyard Pluck apples off the tree and bake apple tarts” Just as she was thinking of more things, mom called for her “Lily! Honey its time to get up. You don’t wanna miss your bus today or you’ll have to walk in the snow.” She heard her mom climbing up the stairs and quickly hid the paper under the b...

Once again am stuck in a place where I feel like moving backwards. I think it is good. When you’re  not able to move ahead its okay, but nothing is worst than not moving at all. Have you ever closely observed a long jump athlete in Olympics? They go back before the jump. The farther back they go the longer is the jump. Yeah, I know nothing new in the thought, but it’s definitely not a lame excuse to cover up my backward progress. let me tell you one thing. This might be a known concept but think about this; after the athlete goes back before the jump, he runs in full speed up till he reaches the line. Now that is what decides your leap. If you run slowly there is no way you’re going to make it. If you run too fast without knowing when to leap you might just skip the line and be disqualified. The run defines your destiny. So as much as am not scared of moving backwards, I am of screwing up my run. There are times when am scared of myself. I am not just talking about my mornin...

Majority of India goes away on a vacation in the scorching month of May. Places like Kashmir,  Himachal Pradesh, Goa and Kerala are the most visited and top the list of best vacation destinations . But last year, not only did I choose an off-season time, but also an offbeat place.  Leave alone the phirangs; in my opinion, even most Indians are not aware of this little heaven in the middle of Karnataka state called Coorg. I heard about Coorg for the first time from my Kannada friend a few years back. It stayed sleeping in the back of my mind only to surface last November when my dad asked me, where in south can we travel?’ As we had already covered the obvious ‘Mysore-Ooty-Bangalore’ trip, ‘Coorg’ instantly came to my mind. So off we were, first to Bangalore to visit my sister and then to Coorg. One can reach this eerily tranquil place by train, getting down at Mysore or Hassan railway station, or by plane at Mangalore and taking the local buses to Madikeri, the capital ...

have u ever felt like diving in water and den flying outta it like a dolphin ? have u ever felt like jumping off a cliff and imagine tat u wont fall but lay slow on the green carpet below?? have u ever felt like entering a green canopy and know that no thorn can bruise you? have u ever felt like jus 1s god jus 1s if I cud be only a soul and not a body? ever felt like simply dissolving?????

Looking back at the road I’ve been on, trying to search my footprints in. But they have been rubbed, but they have been smudged and now am lost.     I search a little harder And so, I see them on the sides. Everything comes rushing back to me, all those times when I thought I was being wise, like a flashback in front of my eyes, and now am lost.   I hate this feeling that am in. It hurts, it aches and I got nothing to put at stake. The words of wisdom prick like a pin.   Everything that seemed right, turned wrong. Everything that seemed wrong, turned right. Now, at the dawn of the dusk of my life I only have one wish, of turning back time.   I have lost my mind, I have lost my soul. Somebody help me am lost to the core. I am slipping out of my own hands. It’s been days am wearing the same old pants. Aimlessly wandering on the road I’ve been trying to search my footprints in.

I wish I cud change the things but they always seem so far and it seems like the longest day and the longest hour when the last drop of hope swings to the farthest spot you wanna bring it back, its making u loose your faith you tell yourself  may be it was a worthless chase. And you’re smiling because you want to pretend you’re strong so love me, cause I am here and telling you the truth I still see you, every moment I turn my back but you never seem to know what it was. In a space we live from each other so apart you are a habit I wish I could have lost with so much time to kill I have lost the will to change things at all so love me, cause I am here n telling you the truth I still see you, every moment I turn my back but you never seem to know what it was......................

Run away run away with me I am not saying I got answers to all your questions am not saying I got solutions to all your problems run away with me just please come with me Its a pretty place out there, you look your best ,and I promise you'll feel your best too its a noisy place in here and it was the worst day to have been through  but am still gonna see it through am gonna turn the pages and read my 'lived happily ever after' am gonna reach the gates and look back at you run away with me run away with me you are not my only hope, but you are my strongest dope. Let’s run away Let’s run away to the heaven's abode Run away, away let’s run away........

Watch for the wind, but it will not be seen. The shadow was cast and it got very cold as the warmth of the sun was consumed by the clouds                                                                              high above the ground. The rivers continued to flow gently towards the seas,                        despite the efforts of the rocks and debris. Does it matter? Watch for the breeze,  but it will not be seen. The shadow was cast   and it got very cold as the warmth of the sun was consumed by the skyscrapers lining the street. The gutters flowed gently towards the drains, despite the efforts of the garbage and litter. Doe...

I see a pretty face singing on a yellow microphone And maybe some of these days Am gonna stick a melon up my fork  And pretend it’s my new yellow microphone And sing the song that the pretty face once sung Those honeybee eyes and neon lights A dose of dancing stars and sweet slices People stand in the shady corners Of the road I go round and round They hold my hand and pull me on the sides Some wore horseshoes and purple feathers Broaches and diamonds on the others And they ask me a question Where did you find this yellow microphone? Where did you find this yellow microphone? Sing with me Sing to it I say Sing to my yellow microphone Sing melodies with a mellow tone Sing to my yellow microphone Sing with me a mellow tone My yellow microphone My yellow microphone

People will come and people will go, No matter how good they are Or no matter how close. And just when you think you’re left behind with the memories alone, Think again ‘cause you’re left with something more. It’s the strength, to go on living And strength for getting used-to things. A story of millions Told over a million times, The only thing that ever changes is probably the rhyme. Searching for a face, Are we all so lost in the race? The face of money or the face of fame Don’t you ever get tired of this game? We all keep changing our tunes Like the sand with sand dunes   Together yet alone With motion, yet no direction, Still claiming perfection. The days I smile the most Are the nights I weep the most ‘Put me to sleep’, I ask of you ‘Get up you pig’ is what I get from you Put me to peace, I beg of you And then I get that smile from you A smile like a cactus in the desert A smile like a log in the ocean ...

I heard a speech by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of ‘Eat Pray Love’, on ted talk. She produced an interesting insight on creativity and an artist’s life. ‘Creativity’, what is it? Is it something that a person posses in him, or is there a secret messenger from the divine that directs the artist into producing the out-worldly creations? The old Romans and Greek believed that a creative person is not creative by himself but has a demon or a supernatural body called genius that spoke to the artist and guided him. When you believe in this theory and held a superior entity responsible for all your creations, it seems it is easier for an artist to remain sober and face the anticipation and anguish. The haunting realization of forever struggling to be the best and producing celebratory pieces of art pushes a person into instability. But because the Romans and Greeks believed that the artist is a mere source for the almighty to reach the world; they neither worshiped him for brillian...

What is the difference in childish love and child like love? She asked me looking at the tiny flower in her hand Startled I looked at her She was still caressing the tiny yellow flower in her hand Without any thought I started to blabber some words that made no sense She patiently heard it out with a confused look in her eyes I surrendered; after all I really had no answer With a disappointed look and a weary smile she turned away She had no idea how much that hurt me; to disappoint her I ran to catch up with her as she swam effortlessly in that yellow farm of sunflower Her pale blue dress matching with the pale blue sky, Her supple skin matching with the thin clouds She looked like a part of sky fallen on a yellow bed I held her hand and made her stop She tuned to me with a question mark on her face Her face so bright, her eyes so deep and her lips so pink I pushed her hair behind her ear and said ‘when I can’t bare absolutely anyone touching you...

I want you back and let you go at the same time I love you and hate you at the same time I wanna share my every minute with you and hide myself from you at the same time I trust you and scared of you at the same time I miss you and I miss you……at all times 

In the mornings the first thing I do is think of you and say your name In the night the last thing I do is think of you and say your name Everything I ever did was love you with no regrets Anything I will ever do is keep loving you with no regrets the day I saw you happy I wished the reason was me the day I saw you gloomy I wish I could have for longer stayed For the hours and minutes that we have been thro Seem so less For the months and years I long to be with you Seem so far My days aren’t so sad any more My memories aren’t so strong any more And my feelings have no life any more I saw u at my door today I thought you meant to stay What a fool I was to hold your hand and pray I prayed with my tears For the strength to fight all my fears I still long for you to step in and hold my hand I still long for you to pray with me Hold every drop in your palms Like in heaven shine the trinkets And so yet again I say I love you wit...

A few days back I wrote a status. So sardonically I wrote ‘when one doesn’t have anything to look forward to in life, one should not even try and instead look around’. Usually I follow my own words, but to be honest 2 weeks at my desk with no real job and eight months straight with no real job satisfaction, my life seems stunted , doomed and not worth waiting for. Job, why does man need a job? And please don’t give me the ‘to provide the hungry stomach shit’ it’s hard to buy especially when you hear all the fucking rich starving themselves to death just for that PERFECT fit and the PERFECTLY SHIT class. Why does man need a job? It’s not for money and it’s definitely not for food. God gave us food alright, and he spread it even too. From what I reckon man 1st needed a job to do away his boredom, then to show off his craftsmanship and then to distinguish status and that’s when ‘money’ came into the picture. I have a job that dose not fulfill any of the causes. Instead of killing my ...