PURNAMIDAM - mindlessly mindful

Today I meet someone who said poetry is a thing of jobless people, who have nothing better to do, someone who has a lot of time on hand to waste! I was surprised, offended a little. So is that what it is? The one who appreciates life and sinks into its little matters-of-nothing is an indolent mental? Do I write poems because I have nothing better to do? No one better to talk to? Am I the only one who believes life sustains in the fractions of moments. Am I the only one who shies from the affluent years?  I am mental ain’t I?  I am that person at the end of the row, with head phones on and talking to herself. I am the person who is startled once in a while by the loud laughter around. I am the person who talks less and yet is talked to, a lot. I am not a poet; not yet. I am not some divine Buddha who acquired the truth of life. I am not smart. I am not courageous. I am the one who pulls in her knees and is on her guard, upon a feather's touch. I am the one who gives ...

There is hole in my sole  Makes my feet meet the street. It’s a strange feeling to be yelling But receiving not even as much as a flinch My clothes droop off of me Like a skeleton I be It’s appalling, the heat Of the agonizing screams My luggage is eternal Of the dust, I’ll never loose It’s calming to see The greedy flee My memory intrigues Like the labyrinth it spins It’s boggling to be The only one, who sees My companion is you If you choose to be It’s scary to me To know, you’ll never see The beauty of me, just me

Life gives you some of the hardest times; it’s like the big bully you face every day in school. These bullies have a weird psychology. They either pick on other kids who are very happy or very shy and sad. So mostly it’s either: ‘Oh whadda you smiling so much for, fart face? Yeah that’s right your face makes me fart. ON YOUR FACE! FART FACE.’ ‘Did your mommy pack a little strawberry rainbow for the lunch?’ ‘You bloody jumpy @#$%^, what’s keeping you so busy?’ Or: ‘Just hand over your lunch, you filthy slime’ ‘I don’t know why they let mice attend school’ ‘Do my homework and I might let you live’ But have you ever noticed most bullies refrain from bullying people who show neither of the extreme emotions or ignore them. Now that’s exactly my point. Too happy? Life will screw you! Too sad? Well you are already being screwed, you will be more. There is no escape from that one. The trick is to be moderately happy and moderately sad. Noooo! Don’t do it cons...

So its true after all...humans are primarily animals with emotions that are namesake and relations that are baggage. Life goes on and we just get use to it. Everything it throws at us whether we hate it or like, we just pick it up, live with it and even learn to love it. Erasing all the traces of good and bad, all the traces of true and false, all the traces of friends, family and enemies erasing all the traces of permanent and  temporary.....w e just accept it with a defeat, as if it has been like this forever and it will be. But the truth is, we just don't care about anything and anyone beyond us, precisely the only thing that differentiates us from animals.

In a church, when I don’t press my palms together and pretend to pray like everyone else, but just stare at that poor man hung on a cross drenched in his own blood and pain. Father: what do u look at, so intensely child? Me: I wonder father. Father: what do you ponder on? Me: whom do I pray for? Me or this man hung up here? Father: He doesn't need prayers; He is the one who answers our prayers. He is the son of God. Me: hahhaha father do you really believe that? Look at him!!!! What have you been smoking? hahhaha Father: (smiles) you are not a Christian are you? Me: how is that any different from me being a Christian?  Father: what is your religion, child? Me: no. religion doesn't belong to me. Father: oh! So you’re the atheist types  Me: oh no, I have faith, I have a lot of faith Father: in what? Me: in me, in my God. Well he is actually not just mine, just that when he is with me he is a...

Exactly 2 weeks from now, I was in a different world with the same people that I am now, but doing something different. Not far from the  gregarious metropolis Mumbai is place called Matheran. My friend asked me what it means I deciphered the word and gave her a literal meaning, ‘the forest on the forehead’. ‘Matha’ as in forehead and ‘Ran’ meaning forest. I don’t know if my answer was correct but nonetheless I told her and she bought it, confidence can do wonders huh! It was a last minute plan like all our plans and a result of a flop plan ‘A’. trust me there is a reason why plan ‘A’ fails, and a good one. We were scheduled to go to my grandmother’s house. A village on the outskirts of the city and on the verge of breaking puberty and entering town-hood. But, didn’t happen. Somewhere am glad it didn’t happen, of course I made a sad face and promised a visit to my grandma for the next month. So plan B was made within 2 hrs. One of my friend’s family friends lived ...

water color painting

the roster pencil doodles colored in photoshop

some dreamy doodles one with color this time. medium: pencil, color pencils copy on the colored doodle(in case its not visible): if wings had eyes of their own, they would probably fly to nowhere

keep me anywhere i don't belong, give a pencil and a paper and this is what will happen

Am no God, don't expect me to be perfect. yes i make mistakes and regret them. and i DO say sorry too, provided you wanna hear it. if not i just throw a sorry in the universe and hope it reaches you in your sound health. i regret my mistakes enough to not repeat them but not enough to beat myself about it to end all fun or to end all life in me.  unapologetic as it may seem, practical is what i think about it. so yes i have hurt many people, shoved off the ones who showered me with their love, doubted people who genuinely have been nice to me. why is it wrong i ask?  let me repeat 'i am NO god'! i cant forecast fate! i have to weigh both sides of a coin, i have to take my own time to come around. so how is it my fault that you didn't have patience enough to stick around by the time i felt safe. how is it my fault if your friendship/ love/ trust/ blah wasn't strong enough to wait. you think i am a cold person? i am a loner? so be it....

Lily got off her bed in a full stretch. Outside the window the snow shone brilliantly, almost blinding her. She went to the window and closely peered at that lone apple tree in her backyard. The tree had reduced to nothing, but a few broken branches and the trunk.  The memory seemed so vivid as though just yesterday her father had hung her on his shoulders and dug a hole to plant it.  A fleeting sense of sadness passed through her. She quickly went to her desk and pulled out a paper n started scribbling on it. “When summer comes….. Go fishing Shopping Gary’s rollercoaster yard The city zoo Ice cream Skating Go trekking in the woods Camp fire in the backyard Pluck apples off the tree and bake apple tarts” Just as she was thinking of more things, mom called for her “Lily! Honey its time to get up. You don’t wanna miss your bus today or you’ll have to walk in the snow.” She heard her mom climbing up the stairs and quickly hid the paper under the b...

Once again am stuck in a place where I feel like moving backwards. I think it is good. When you’re  not able to move ahead its okay, but nothing is worst than not moving at all. Have you ever closely observed a long jump athlete in Olympics? They go back before the jump. The farther back they go the longer is the jump. Yeah, I know nothing new in the thought, but it’s definitely not a lame excuse to cover up my backward progress. let me tell you one thing. This might be a known concept but think about this; after the athlete goes back before the jump, he runs in full speed up till he reaches the line. Now that is what decides your leap. If you run slowly there is no way you’re going to make it. If you run too fast without knowing when to leap you might just skip the line and be disqualified. The run defines your destiny. So as much as am not scared of moving backwards, I am of screwing up my run. There are times when am scared of myself. I am not just talking about my mornin...

Majority of India goes away on a vacation in the scorching month of May. Places like Kashmir,  Himachal Pradesh, Goa and Kerala are the most visited and top the list of best vacation destinations . But last year, not only did I choose an off-season time, but also an offbeat place.  Leave alone the phirangs; in my opinion, even most Indians are not aware of this little heaven in the middle of Karnataka state called Coorg. I heard about Coorg for the first time from my Kannada friend a few years back. It stayed sleeping in the back of my mind only to surface last November when my dad asked me, where in south can we travel?’ As we had already covered the obvious ‘Mysore-Ooty-Bangalore’ trip, ‘Coorg’ instantly came to my mind. So off we were, first to Bangalore to visit my sister and then to Coorg. One can reach this eerily tranquil place by train, getting down at Mysore or Hassan railway station, or by plane at Mangalore and taking the local buses to Madikeri, the capital ...

have u ever felt like diving in water and den flying outta it like a dolphin ? have u ever felt like jumping off a cliff and imagine tat u wont fall but lay slow on the green carpet below?? have u ever felt like entering a green canopy and know that no thorn can bruise you? have u ever felt like jus 1s god jus 1s if I cud be only a soul and not a body? ever felt like simply dissolving?????

Looking back at the road I’ve been on, trying to search my footprints in. But they have been rubbed, but they have been smudged and now am lost.     I search a little harder And so, I see them on the sides. Everything comes rushing back to me, all those times when I thought I was being wise, like a flashback in front of my eyes, and now am lost.   I hate this feeling that am in. It hurts, it aches and I got nothing to put at stake. The words of wisdom prick like a pin.   Everything that seemed right, turned wrong. Everything that seemed wrong, turned right. Now, at the dawn of the dusk of my life I only have one wish, of turning back time.   I have lost my mind, I have lost my soul. Somebody help me am lost to the core. I am slipping out of my own hands. It’s been days am wearing the same old pants. Aimlessly wandering on the road I’ve been trying to search my footprints in.

I wish I cud change the things but they always seem so far and it seems like the longest day and the longest hour when the last drop of hope swings to the farthest spot you wanna bring it back, its making u loose your faith you tell yourself  may be it was a worthless chase. And you’re smiling because you want to pretend you’re strong so love me, cause I am here and telling you the truth I still see you, every moment I turn my back but you never seem to know what it was. In a space we live from each other so apart you are a habit I wish I could have lost with so much time to kill I have lost the will to change things at all so love me, cause I am here n telling you the truth I still see you, every moment I turn my back but you never seem to know what it was......................

Run away run away with me I am not saying I got answers to all your questions am not saying I got solutions to all your problems run away with me just please come with me Its a pretty place out there, you look your best ,and I promise you'll feel your best too its a noisy place in here and it was the worst day to have been through  but am still gonna see it through am gonna turn the pages and read my 'lived happily ever after' am gonna reach the gates and look back at you run away with me run away with me you are not my only hope, but you are my strongest dope. Let’s run away Let’s run away to the heaven's abode Run away, away let’s run away........

Watch for the wind, but it will not be seen. The shadow was cast and it got very cold as the warmth of the sun was consumed by the clouds                                                                              high above the ground. The rivers continued to flow gently towards the seas,                        despite the efforts of the rocks and debris. Does it matter? Watch for the breeze,  but it will not be seen. The shadow was cast   and it got very cold as the warmth of the sun was consumed by the skyscrapers lining the street. The gutters flowed gently towards the drains, despite the efforts of the garbage and litter. Doe...