PURNAMIDAM - mindlessly mindful

In the mornings the first thing I do is think of you and say your name In the night the last thing I do is think of you and say your name Everything I ever did was love you with no regrets Anything I will ever do is keep loving you with no regrets the day I saw you happy I wished the reason was me the day I saw you gloomy I wish I could have for longer stayed For the hours and minutes that we have been thro Seem so less For the months and years I long to be with you Seem so far My days aren’t so sad any more My memories aren’t so strong any more And my feelings have no life any more I saw u at my door today I thought you meant to stay What a fool I was to hold your hand and pray I prayed with my tears For the strength to fight all my fears I still long for you to step in and hold my hand I still long for you to pray with me Hold every drop in your palms Like in heaven shine the trinkets And so yet again I say I love you wit...

A few days back I wrote a status. So sardonically I wrote ‘when one doesn’t have anything to look forward to in life, one should not even try and instead look around’. Usually I follow my own words, but to be honest 2 weeks at my desk with no real job and eight months straight with no real job satisfaction, my life seems stunted , doomed and not worth waiting for. Job, why does man need a job? And please don’t give me the ‘to provide the hungry stomach shit’ it’s hard to buy especially when you hear all the fucking rich starving themselves to death just for that PERFECT fit and the PERFECTLY SHIT class. Why does man need a job? It’s not for money and it’s definitely not for food. God gave us food alright, and he spread it even too. From what I reckon man 1st needed a job to do away his boredom, then to show off his craftsmanship and then to distinguish status and that’s when ‘money’ came into the picture. I have a job that dose not fulfill any of the causes. Instead of killing my ...

Hey, One morning you get up and realise that you’re not obliged to be nice to the world. Not obliged to wish good morning or smile at your neighbour, or pass the ball of those cute annoying kids that came your way and could have hit you in the head, or listen to your colleagues’ lame, repetitive jokes that make no sense to you (o what if the world is cracking up, I don’t wanna smile dude leave alone laugh…u suck). Yes these are the days you walk with a frown on your brow and it actually does you good. These are the days when am not waiting for some ‘fun’ time with my ‘friends’ in the evening, but jus waiting so desperately for the pink trees to bloom, so desperately that it makes me stand beneath them and ask ‘why wont you bloom, you fucking god dammed thing?’ ‘You make me cry, bloom for bloody holy sake’ and then you wonder how crazy is that? Is it dangerous? But who cares? Nobody is even watching. The lane so dark….the dogs are asleep, the shops are closed. And suddenly you find ...

It jus had to be this way, it has always been this way and I don’t see a reason as to why it should change. What the hell are you talking about?  My life!  What's wrong with your life NOW? Me! Ahhh then its just fine Its no joke man, am not kidding!!!! You always say that and then you’re only the one trying to look for the open door and make a dive at it. And when am finally out and the door shuts behind me……….  The party starts Exactly and it’s not just any party……… It’s THE party. I know man stop telling me things I already know  Stop making mistakes you’ve already made…not once but millions of time These days I feel my life itself is a big mistake…..was I born wrong? Wrong what?  I don’t know, like inside out or upside down, or wrong gender, or wrong parents or………  Shut the fk up and lemme see what we can do Thanks man , you are the one I was jus talking about what we can do to PASS DA DAY. Hmmmmmmmmmm. that’ll do great too  Ho...

My 3 rd digital painting but, 1 st on Photoshop. When you have a job but no work in an ad agency it’s a boon unless you know how to make use of your free time. Yup I just learnt what those weird looking blotchy brushes can create. So am kinda happy being jobless at a job. Am lovin it, exploring what more can I do......... You say' god gimmi some life' life says' god gimmi some time'........................cheers to life

A month ago I wrote the title of this blog and kept it aside (see why most things I do have no real title,   coz u make a title, sound ambitious yet never get back to it). Anyways now I have the time and willingness to return. When you live in a house for straight 15 yrs and then shift, it’s sad, irritating and annoying and sad, and sad again. Last month or before that, I really don’t remember but somewhere in the beginning of this year, I and mom went to our old house to get something we had left behind. I was pretty excited as that was the 1 st time I was gonna go there since shifting. It was a highly disappointing visit. Now there are a few things you need to know about my old house. It was a modest one bedroom, one hall and one kitchen, wait… AND ONE GARDEN house. The garden was probably as big as the entire house or may be bigger than the entire house (or that’s probably how only I saw it). It was every thing to me; I grew up more in the garden than in the house. It ...

I have a weird attraction towards old broken structures. Some times i think am i the only one? But am not n i know this from the pictures and art work i see in a lotta magazines and internet. But is my attraction limited to the picturesque ability of the structures? There is an old broken house on my way to home. Every time i see it i have this urge of getting off my bus and exploring it. There is this old building on the way to my native and i have had the same urge, i remember it as clear as if am standing in front of it although i visit my native twice or so a year and see that building for a fraction of a second. So may be for a few seconds every year. There is some thing about these structures that fascinate me, it seems like they have a story to tell, of their patience, of their strength that came from witnessing all the worldly consequences. But some times they are just pretty to look at.  I know you don’t understand when i say ‘pretty’. They are broken, old and co...

The best thing about rains is how the nature flourishes in it. The same route that my bus takes every day looks like a brand new place. And my jobless mind starts making conversations to another, probably equally jobless mind of mine. All my childhood fantasies come back to life so vividly n my head that I feel almost confident enough to make a movie that will beat avatar.  If you ask me to describe the feeling that these deep greens and electric greens instill in me…..i would tell you to imagine how that mysterious mesmerizing maiden made the saint on his way to chastitised salvation feel.  Yes that’s exactly how I feel; it takes my breath away n if it were possible to overcome my human limitations I would leap out of my bus window n fly over that green carpet.  Trees tat look like a forked hand of a witch now look like someone poured green slime on it and all the forked fingers are now held together underneath.  It’s crazy, the pain it causes in my heart...

20 years of my life i have stayed in this city with my family. and for da last 5 years i have been dreaming of a break through , to branch out and live by my self. now i have the opportunity but am scared. somehow its not about how will i live without my family, or how will i live alone, but its more about wat all is it tat i'll miss when gone?? who all will miss me?? i know the people that i am gonna miss, but its seems like a waste of emotions and energy. am egaerly lookin forward to this new phase and adventure but there is something(rather someone) holding me back. but am gonna take the risk of losing 'IT'. i wanna know how worth it is. GOODLUCK TO ME

AM JUST A LIL GUL LOST IN DA MIDDLE, LA LA ALA LA LA , DUM DIRAM DA DUM DIRAM , JUS ENJOY DA SHOW. n tats exactly wat am doing,i have neva seen a movie better n vivid than this and its called LIFE. once again am in a stage where i dont feel content, y am i so selfish, y do i refuse to growup, its so damn hard to jus do wat u want, without hurting your close ones, but then again if ur close ones hate it when you like it are they really your closedones?????????? or are you the bad guy????????? everyone calls me lazy i am lazy!!, lazy is nice, actualy its not lazy, its called being withdrawn no hassels, no attachments, no expectations, no expressions, just njoy da show be an audiance (but not always, atleast not when its PARTYYY TIME!!! ) HAPPY HOLIDAYS PPL

every working human must have said this statment in his/her life atleast once, and tat is, "the one and only good thing about doing a job is, THE MONEY". ohk can nebody solve this mystry for me??? was 10 and hated skool like hell, after passing out sat on da parapet oppsite the skool wid frnds and breathed heavy. went to college hated it too, nothing worth except da campus, filled woth gujrathis all over, served samosa with sambar, wat a combo, i must say. no one i cud match my frequency wid. all my classmates had there lil groups(coocons), non an explorer, still managed to make few frnds (well tat i always do) bt didnt expect much off them. by the time it was time to leave collg almost entier class was frnds with each other. left coll and felt like turning the time backwards. now i have a job, made a lot of frnds too, bt still feel like something is missing. y is it tat we always like something wen its gone? y do we keep running behind those things tat we shudnt ...

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sigh............. its been long i haven't written nething. well i have stumbled upon a phase in life where u feeling like nothing is happening n nothing will ever happen, standstill, dead end, wat else can u call it?????? well even death is not a dead end, i.e of course if u believe in rebirth. so with new hope u start out again, but someone comes along n shows how hollow or rather weak ur hope is. u wanna kill that person avoid him/her, ignore him/her, but u cant. coz deep down u know the truth too. you start avoiding ppl who you thought were ur soul mates, best friends forever, blah blah blah. you don't hate them, its not even like you care less about them. the very ppl with whom u cud talk to, at lengths, hours n hours together, now seem distant uninteresting. this is just a phase in life, it has to pass, may be its time for some soul searching, travelling, or may be just plugging your ears n sleeping 14 hrs a day.

A few days back i went to a studio where children were modelling. After watching kids in advertisement and in movies I shouldn't have been amazed and surprised of the fact that children can also be the subject of photo shoots. The photographer was a bit annoying though asking the kids to pose in various manners. And the only words he had to encourage those kids were, ‘awesome' 'beautiful child' 'great pose'. He uttered the word awesome, about a thousand times, and hey all children ARE! nothing but beautiful!! Seriously, even the parents had started giving instructions to their respective child. Poor children!! One incident that I must share though. There was a girl about 10 or 11 yrs old. The kind of poses she was giving, she would have easily overthrown Tyra Banks. The photographer asked her, after a while to stop posing like that and act her age, like a 10 yr old. Looking at her blank expression, I really wonder, if ...

one of my friend was asked "what is true love to you?", he said "its a waste of time and money". one "yes" followed this remark. Of course they were both hurt in love, and drunk at that time. But seriously what is love? If I were asked the same question, I would say"love is like air" (not love is in the air that's a different phrase , i hope u know). It has different elements and compositions like air. It has different forms like air, and just like air you can never see it but feel it. It is as limitless and free as air. I personally hate the words 'boyfriend and girlfriend' sounds too lame, typical and possessive to me. All you can do is breath love, feel it, enjoy it and then let it pass through you making space for the next. Ever heard of air to be in one place forever?? no right!! then don't review the entire show of LIFE on the basis of just one episode. love one and love all. Be happy people.

Image via Wikipedia 'creative brain and abstract person' is the compliment i received from a friend on orkut. This is not the first time I have received this compliment, but it is the first time it has angered me. Previously I use to like it when people called me creative, it use to flatter me, in my mind I would say "wow man! that's great people think I am creative they think am smart , I must be at a higher level than the others". But today it just annoyed me, 'creative'.. bullshit, either they are saying it cause they want me to appreciate their work too, or they are just being polite, i don't know. Sometimes I feel like a total screw up, I don't have the street smartness or the skills of playing politics and manipulating things, I am utterly lazy and awkwardly shy, how am i ever gonna sustain in this media industry tat i haven't even entered yet? I know what an utter moron I am, people never see that(if hiding tat flaw is creativity then ...

graduating from college gives you weird feelings you are happy tat finally you have graduated and no more exams , sleepless nights spent over assignments and projects and at the same time no more daily hangout wid friends either. but that's still something very common. i went and collected my final year mark sheet yesterday . somehow i was not excited to see it, I was not excited to know my result. I knew i wud pass, n i did, may be tats y i don't feel the excitement . what i had always worried abt is making this education worth all the money i paid for it. but here i am having second thoughts about changing fields , that wud include another 3-4 yrs of college education and 4-5 lakhs of rupees, neither of which i am willing to spend. worst is i don't noe which field to get into if i actually do change. this has always been a problem for me since i was school kid. y cant i fix my mind to one thing? i have been accused of being unstable all my life. honestly,...

this my first time ever as a blogger. every1 wants to blog these days, why wont they when they can earn money through just stiing at one place blurting out something even they dont understand. well, honestly am one of them. when i was in school we had diary writting in grammer, i tried once and them left it only to come back it now. the thougt of some1 peeping into my personal space scared me, but here i am letting the whole world read my mindless mind. neways i realy dont think this will entierly be a dairy sort of a thing. looking forward to making friends and have some sensible talk with people who realy care to exist. dont live just because you have been born in this world-live because you like the feeling of beening alive.