PURNAMIDAM - mindlessly mindful

I had once been through a phase where I use to watch a lot of movies alone. At first it was like 'Oh wow my first movie alone in theatre! Write a post, save the ticket.’ Then it started happening a lot and I lost count of how many movies I saw alone in the theatres. How did that happen? Well, it was the time when I was doing a lot of 'figuring out myself' things, dealing with depression, anxiety, and loneliness; all in all it was a crazy time. Oh yes, it doesn’t just happen to rich and famous, it’s pretty prevalent. For people from mediocre lives and familes, everyday business gets pretty tough to deal with at times. Is it easy to talk about it ? It’s tough, I mean people are telling you they love you and care for you all the time but there are days when you just can’t believe any of it. It hurts. The shit is quite real. I remember this one time; I went to my room and locked the door. My father was sleeping in the next room and my mom was in the li...

Because we have Google,  our brains are shrinking,  we don't have to remember anything.  Because we have Google, our friendships are ruining,  we are just Facebooking. Because we have Google,  our parents aren't parenting,  they're simply Googling.  Because we have Google,  our teachers aren't teaching,  we are simply copy pasting. Because we have Google,  we have no secret dear dairy, we are simply blogging to the whole wide world. Because we have Google,  we have no library,  we have no chance of exchanging blushed glances with our book-soulmate. Because we have Google,  we have no yearning of faraway places, we just scroll through their 360’ Google images. Because we have Google,  we are forgetting the magic of theatres, we are simply YouTubing.   Because we have Google,  we aren't really living a life anymore, we are just browsing.

Two days ago I read a news paper headline that praised a man for providing or helping several rural households to shift from fire wood stove to LPG gas. One week ago I attended a lecture by a man who claimed to have not used LPG gas, fuel and electricity for the last 13 years. Now there were many youngsters and a few old people but almost everyone a city dweller and praising this man, Dilip Kulkarni for his courage to do so when he himself was a city dweller once upon a time. Now he lives in a rural area in Dapoli. We the developed, we the civilized have ruined enough. Let us not ruin the rural too by forcing/luring/ fooling them into imitating us. So let’s weigh both sides of this debate. Fire wood stove causes smoke, pollution, leads to deforestation, and cause’s respiratory illness in the rural households. Shall we see the counter points? 1) Not all fire wood is acquired by chopping trees; most rural families especially tribal collect the dead dry fallen branches, twigs...

You may say am a dreamer, of nightmares mostly and I will agree. I dream with eyes wide open, but it’s mostly written off as over thinking. So during one such fit of dream I got thinking about souls and the whole soul-mate theories. It feels just like death, i.e you have to die to know if heaven and hell exist, or is there a universe beyond this, or nothing. I did like to believe its nothing but am not dead yet, just as I haven’t found a soul mate yet. Just as I have found a lot of souls (people who aren’t dead though) men and women who are beautiful (not without their ugly self) and they are all proudly my mates. Just as I see people struggling to be with each other when they are clearly not supposed to or don’t want to. They aren’t soulmates. You don’t need to be an expert to see that. These are the universal errors (pun absolutely intended). It’s like they got married/together when the universe wasn’t looking like some naughty teenagers and then to add to the annoyance decided to r...

इज्ज़त का शिकार हूं मैं  वक्त का गुलाम हूं मैं  पैगाम तो कई आए उस पार से पर शराफत का नकाब हूं मैं। मिलना हो अगर तो मिलेंगे किसी रोज़ मिलना हो ही ना कभी तो ना होगा अफसोस  रोज़ रोज़ मिलने को ना अब बेताब हूं मैं।  हारे हुए की शक्ल नहीं होती  बदनाम कभी अक्ल नहीं होती  शक्ल और अक्ल इन दोनों से भी रिश्ता कई बार खो चुका हूं मैं।  करने को करते हैं हम शायरी  दरजे के हम नहीं लाज़मी लफ्ज़ निकलते हैं सो लिखते हैं हम फटे हुए कागज़ पे भीगी हुईं स्याही हूं मैं।

रुक जा जरा देख तो ले एक पल! कैसे खडे है राह मे एकसाथ होकर भी न मिलकर। किसी का रंग अलग किसी का रूप अलग कही कद अलग कही घेर अलग। किसी की बाँहें आसमान को चूमती  किसी की हवा संग झूलती  मगर जड़ें सबकी जमीन पे ही रेंगती। जैसे कोई जाल रोकना चाहें किसी धारा को  जो अाज तक किसीके लिए न रुकी। काट रहे उस तूफान को जिसने आज तक न जाने काटे है कितनें परवत। छान रहे उस सूरज को जिसने जला कर राख कर दिया न जाने कितनों को।  यह हैं जंगल!  सदियों से रहा धीट  प्रतीक अनेकता मे एकता का भिन्नता मे छुपी सुंदरता का। कह रहा है तुझसे ऐ इनसान   रुक जा जरा एक पल  देख तो ले! जिंदगी दौड़ मे नहीं  उस थमें हुए पल मे मिलती है  कलियां तेरे सीने पर लटकी माला मे नहीं  मेरी रगों मे झूलती डाल पे खीलती है जरा देख तो ले!

Because it won't stop hurting, You make it stop existing. Because it won't be the same, You tell yourself it was always lame. Because no one sees what you have become,  You be, who you never were.  The mornings don't start with chirping sparrows anymore, It’s the drilling of ground, opposite my window.  A new building will rise,  just like one fine day the building I live in did. I wake up cursing them, "rascals took away my view", Just like the old guy in the old building next to mine did.  And because no one ever stops cursing, what is happening will happen. I thought I was making a difference. Rather I was rendered speechless, When they asked me, "to whom?" I thought I was getting better, But I only got more confused. I want to breath, But I keep forgetting. I want to feel, But I keep dismissing. And now the only thing I wait to see, are the pink skies before the storm. Because no rose is as rosy as the one in a bunch of sticks. 

Every parent needs to put this notice outside their door. Don’t ask my child what do they want to be when they grow up. Who said they can only be one thing? Don’t tell them experiencing things is less important than achieving things. Ask them what new they learned, not just in school but even otherwise.   Don't ask them what is their favourite subject. Ask them what they enjoy doing. Don't say things like 'you are too small for this' or 'you are too old for that.' Don't start conversations with ‘you can't, you won't, you shouldn't.’ Ask them why they want to do what they want to do, instead.   Don't tell them you are very pretty. Tell them exactly what about them you find beautiful, instead. Don’t forget to mention it’s your individual opinion and not everyone may agree.   Don't keep smiling at them, like a retard or psycho-killer for longer than 5 secs. You can stare blankly at them, smile, laugh, frown, make funny faces even cry if you...

Today i met a nomadic lady  at a farm while buying goat dung. She must have been my age and had a 2 yr old daughter. She was dark, bright eyes, forehead smeared with kumkum, hair matted in dreadlocks and with a piercing gaze. The 1st thing she asked me was 'do you have a sister?' Which ofcorse i found quite strange for the first most thing to say to  a person you just met. i nodded yes. 'And brother?' i nodded no. Then she started asking me lot of questions that i found invasive like was my sister married, was i married , where do i hail from what would i do with goat dung and where i got vegetables saplings from. I decided to answer all her questions with a smile instead of the initial hesitation. At that point i got a bit comfortable and started asking her some questions too. I realized how much we city folks are always on our gaurds, doubting everything and everyone's motives. The only thing we end up gaurding is our ignorance.  Very often i have had these vis...

1 He: wont you fall in love with me? She: do you want me to? He: yes She:okay, then i will fall in love with you...just like i fell in love with the rest of them, and when the time comes i will get over you...just like i got over the rest of them. He: why will you get over me? She: what do you do with people who leave? ......No, I dont hate them. You cant really hate someone you have once loved. You can only love the next one a bit less. 2 A peck on the lips in a hall full of people He: hey may be you shouldnt kiss me in front of so many people She: why are you shy? He: no its just...am sorry but i cant stay She: don't worry, won't keep you He: hm She: you're the one i would rather live than live with. A kiss on the lips in a heart full of dreams 3 He: I really like spending time with you. I did rather just waste all my time with you  than anything else. She: It is really sweet of you to say such things! You are always saying nice things. He: but you nev...

When you are girl in your late twenties born to a set of middle class Indian parents, the only "important discussions" that happen for the lavish 4 -5 hours that you are awake at home is "marriage". In your early twenties, finding a match is like some Olympic championship for your parents, there is a routine to their efforts, rhythm to their practice. But by late twenties even your parents hope you had a boyfriend. "Why can’t you make our work easy" they say, especially for someone like me whose, neither job profile nor personal profile can be defined by understandable standards of the majority. I quit my job as a copywriter to become a writer, a farmer, a doodler, a brand ambassador of sustainable naturalist lifestyle. I haven’t made good money for long but I have big plans (as always). I can and have lived 5star and roughed it out with same ease. I can be ambitious and lazy with same diligence. I want to live the rest of my life in my private farm (read ...

DONT JUST BE A NATURE LOVER You will meet many people, who will tell you ‘They are nature lovers', they enjoy being surrounded by nature. But what they really say, is that 'I enjoy sitting in veranda of a cemented house full of conveniences and a butler who brings me my tea and be surrounded by lawn, a few plants that my gardener planted, a mountain in far off view and just the right amount of rain falling through the sunlit skies.' this is probably more accurate as 'Nature Admirer' But some of you love Nature like a mad lover, who is dying to fall into its deep muddy pits, yearning to trace its gigantic curves and fall into its darkest valleys, courageous to be swept of your feet by the angrily gushing rivers, brave enough to brush your fingers through its thorny bushes and touch your lips over its bitter most fruits. You will never tell anyone that you are a nature lover. The mere mention of Nature will make your eyes twinkle with tears in yearning of your bel...

I am the girl learning to walk alone, be alone. I am the girl who is a little blind, deaf and mute. Cause I fail to see the way you stare at me, hear the words you throw at me or speak the words you want me to. I am the girl who never quite grew up, who denies to be a woman to a man, cause in this world if you are not a woman to a man, you are not a woman at all.  So I'd rather be the little girl who's told not to talk to strangers, than a women who is told to cook and dress well for strangers. I'd rather be the little girl who is encouraged to study well and compet to be 1st in a class full of girls and boys! than a women who is encouraged to marry a boy earning more than her. I'd rather be the little girl who can sit, walk or run as she pleases, than a woman who can as the man pleases. I'd rather be the little girl who can talk, sing or howl as she fancies than woman who is told to shut up to the fancy of the man. And just when you think am the little girl...

Lately I have been attracted to certain couples. No not in a bisexual way, but in an 'I want that for me way. Have you ever seen two people in a relationship and felt like, ‘I wanna hangout with them more often, pretty much all the time’ and not with just one of them but both TOGETHER. Also you don’t feel like a third wheel when you are with them, you are just plain curious to see how do they do it? How do they manage to be so simple, so non dramatic and so connected. You actually start to believe that the more time you spend with them, the more you increase the possibility of finding similar reality for yourself. And it is not some fake lovey dovey, ‘oh we are so in love’ mushy, pukey stuff. It’s just two people living their reality with absolute honesty, oblivious to the world watching them. And I don’t just mean romantic relationships. I use to envy a friend for the kind of fun, open relationship she shared with her mom and another friend fo...

Hello everyone. I know a lot of you are watching me. I hope you are reading me too. It’s been over 3 years since I officially stopped doing a job and became a full time experimental farmer/naturalist/ environmentalist and goes on the list of such fancy words. A lot of you who know me personally applauded me for being brave to shift gears like this, envied me for being able to do what I love, put me on a pedestal of “you inspire us”, and showed concern over choosing the lesser.  Well, thanks but no thanks. I obviously didn’t do any of this for attention, good or bad. Let me explain the bad; “Organic Farming!? Isn’t that some fancy elite hobby?”  Please stand in sun and dust for 8 whole minutes let alone 8 hours, there is nothing fancy or elite about that. “ Organic is a farce” unfortunately there are people who have made ORGANIC sound like a cuss word , I accept. “ Do you ever make any money? Farming is a low job, I hope you don’t commit suicide” as long as there are people ...

I want to be so lonely , that I start to live again. So hopeless that I start to see again. I just want you to bloody get out of my head! Please get out. 'How do you do?' You ask me. I don’t bloody know! Confused, guilty, angry, hurt, tiered and even shocked may be; but 'I am fine’, I say and you carry on. I feel like a half worn off sticker on the door; neither completely in nor out. Stuck somewhere between, what only seems like the parody of life. No, I am not sick, but I am sick of this world. No, not of my life, but of those who force ownership in it. Of those who wring it apart. 'I need help', you say, while you shamelessly take away, every drop of me. It’s a world of scoundrels! Of this, thou shall never let me forget. I rest in peace, in knowing I have been right all along, about taming this monster within me, to not engage, to not feel, to not react. A monster, so dearly known as heart.

I tried I tried to live ideal I tried to live polite I tried to live healthy I tried to live wealthy I tried to live poor I tried to live happy I tried to live successful I tried to live saintly I tried to live crazy I tried to live wise I tried to live in love I tried to live in despise I tried to live to please you I tried to live to please me and finally, I realized we always need to try to live but dying is the only thing that doesn't make you work while I was trying to live, I learned how to die. 

She stole, she hid, she lied. She deceived and she cheated.  Sounds like a very, very wrong women, doesn't she?     She stole glances at strangers on the street to imagine their stories. She hid herself from the world in fear of being hurt. She lied to herself, when she told they couldn't hurt her no more. She deceived her friends, when she all alone, danced herself into the night She cheated the Sun every morning, when the bed and wine chained her feet and mind Still sounds like a very, very wrong women, doesn't she?

True love is on its way , a little far a little stray. But here to stay, after all the price we pay. True love is no mystery, it is the in fact the simplest complexity. It is the thirst of humanity, to be quenched by its proximity. True love is a sham some days, it's a the claw that clams my grace. I see the bright blue Sunrays at the beach as my heart floats away, dancing with waves. True love!? ‘huh’! I let out a small laugh; for a humanity that's forgotten it's clause. All my will is beat and still, as I watch the world in a languid pause.

Public Friends Friends except acquaintances Only Me Custom college greenpeace See all lists... stall tr Origin Beanstalk Creative Consultants Lok Puram Public School Greenpeace India Mumbai, Maharashtra, India Area Thoughtrains Designs Pvt. Ltd. Family Acquaintances Go Back Don't talk to me you're not my best friend don't talk to me you're not the one I love don't talk to me as you're simply not me Take your opinionated hands off of me As they are just too heavy To allow them to rest on my puny body You can't hold me by your stupefying care You can't hold me by your diabetic love If at all you want to hold me, hold me by the noose The real one Share with me your dreams and visions Your imaginations Share with me your thoughts and tastes Maybe even your mistakes Share with me your innermost demons and fear But your love, never! And even if you do Don't be startled if you receive In return a deceive As I can only return what I have in this he...