PURNAMIDAM - mindlessly mindful

Dance with Me Oh Stars!! A million chances, speak a million voices. In my head they bounce rampant, like elephants blowing trumpets. Never have I seen a moon so pink, and an ocean in the sink. So Let me just go on a walk, on the path you chalked, with yellow skies.  To the loneliest piers Come sit and watch the skies dance. The stars zonked, the fish smile, and crabs bark. On the loneliest docks, it never gets loud. They weren't all so proud,  of the silence who never shuts its mouth. But I Am with you, I think I am! As I turn my face,  towards the dim lamp.

All I wanted was a conclusion, on the never ending moments of our past. I don’t hate you, am not mad at you anymore. I don’t particularly miss you but I haven’t forgotten you either. How do I describe this calmness in my soul that comes with a, certain selfishness of my heart? How do I describe this smile that isn’t fake but built on the pain I have dealt? How do I explain that my eyes wander, not to escape you but to find myself? I tell my story to the world through an eternal silence; I live my future in an eternal confusion and I find my present in a constant metamorphosis. I like it. I love it rather; it’s not easy, oh of course not! You see, I never imagined this day without you, so I am living the unexpected almost every day. So tell me how can I ever hate you for this wonderful gift of adventure?  It’s MY adventure now, you gave it but you are nowhere in it.   So how do I say I can never bring myself to hate you, but I don’t desire you either?  How d...

One day it’ll come to me One day it’ll be mine One day it’s so empty And one day it’s all fine Lovely as it may seem It’s a killer in disguise Chasing the absent Albeit the signs With borrowed passions And blurred visions Rises the monster Of my flawed perfections Tapping to the cacophony Of success, I shine Choking the melody Of that truly divine

It’s a funny world. Things you do and the words you say define you. You could be any one; the man who sticks to his words, the man of his deeds, the man with a lot of ideals or the man on the wind. You could be the achiever, the giver, the stealer or the creator. These things they define you as the picture you paint for people to see. Colors, everybody sees them. But who sees the negative space? Did anyone ever tried to understand the blank spaces for hours and ignore the strokes? Can we be defined more by the things we don’t do? By the words we don’t say, than those we have done?

This is what Google will tell you about DOMINO EFFECT; ‘The domino effect is a chain reaction that occurs when a small change causes a similar change nearby, which then causes another similar change, and so on in linear sequence.’   It will also show you images of Marilyn Monroe change to Marlon Brando, created by East Asian students at some crazy Domino Art Contest. But if you closely observe domino effect is an inseparable, integral part of life. The understanding of this effect is also the solution to most of the problems that weigh us down.   One realizes that this universe is a humongous network of neatly arranged dominos. At least my life is. There is one thing I have learned for sure. Never have regrets and never try to change the flow, because everything indeed happens for a reason. The reasons could be both, good and bad. But there is always one and you must try to find it.  Think about it in the simplest things like, what if you were born to a different...

It’s been a real long time since I have poured out my brains. Just sputter everything in every direction. The jar is so full it’s about to spill and the sink is too far away. I don’t think I can make it till the sink before I ruin the expensive floor-carpet. Damn it! I spilled.  Oh it’s been a long night ...or day...I don’t know. It seems all just the same. Have I been sleeping or was I too awake? I remember my dreams and forget my days.  Talking, moving eating, writing I don’t know what. Thinking? What is that? I can’t think! I don’t know what it means. I want to be alone, for real. Why are you crowding in on me? Just leave me alone. I consume too much oxygen I should be shunned but I don’t remember the last time I breathed. I am in pain, but so is everyone else. On the bus, in the train, on the roads...faces, so sad! So dull! It’s hard to believe a life behind them. It’s hard to believe I am one of them. Save me please! Wait!  Who am I talking to? Is there anyo...

Peel of my layers One after the other See my core Become gentler For you, it might be a pretty game To me, it’s a mystery untamed Drenched in the pool of my own sweat I don’t let slip in the regret The paths I choose Will see the answers be met I finally drop the noose   Around my neck The voices are no more a blur The faces are no more a haze I am turning over To a silent page As the only thing matters now Is to let nothing ever matter again

Someday I would want to be living in the entire world not just one place Someday I would want to dissolve in water and not just be swimming Someday I would want to evaporate and not just be flying Till that day, as every other I am living Someday I would want to rest and not just be sleeping Someday I would want to know and not just be aware Someday I would want to exist and not just be evolving Till that day, as every other I am questing   Someday I would want it to be over Someday I would want it to start Someday I would want to go on and the next, stop Yet every day I move ahead, as opens yet another clog  

Today I meet someone who said poetry is a thing of jobless people, who have nothing better to do, someone who has a lot of time on hand to waste! I was surprised, offended a little. So is that what it is? The one who appreciates life and sinks into its little matters-of-nothing is an indolent mental? Do I write poems because I have nothing better to do? No one better to talk to? Am I the only one who believes life sustains in the fractions of moments. Am I the only one who shies from the affluent years?  I am mental ain’t I?  I am that person at the end of the row, with head phones on and talking to herself. I am the person who is startled once in a while by the loud laughter around. I am the person who talks less and yet is talked to, a lot. I am not a poet; not yet. I am not some divine Buddha who acquired the truth of life. I am not smart. I am not courageous. I am the one who pulls in her knees and is on her guard, upon a feather's touch. I am the one who gives ...

There is hole in my sole  Makes my feet meet the street. It’s a strange feeling to be yelling But receiving not even as much as a flinch My clothes droop off of me Like a skeleton I be It’s appalling, the heat Of the agonizing screams My luggage is eternal Of the dust, I’ll never loose It’s calming to see The greedy flee My memory intrigues Like the labyrinth it spins It’s boggling to be The only one, who sees My companion is you If you choose to be It’s scary to me To know, you’ll never see The beauty of me, just me

Life gives you some of the hardest times; it’s like the big bully you face every day in school. These bullies have a weird psychology. They either pick on other kids who are very happy or very shy and sad. So mostly it’s either: ‘Oh whadda you smiling so much for, fart face? Yeah that’s right your face makes me fart. ON YOUR FACE! FART FACE.’ ‘Did your mommy pack a little strawberry rainbow for the lunch?’ ‘You bloody jumpy @#$%^, what’s keeping you so busy?’ Or: ‘Just hand over your lunch, you filthy slime’ ‘I don’t know why they let mice attend school’ ‘Do my homework and I might let you live’ But have you ever noticed most bullies refrain from bullying people who show neither of the extreme emotions or ignore them. Now that’s exactly my point. Too happy? Life will screw you! Too sad? Well you are already being screwed, you will be more. There is no escape from that one. The trick is to be moderately happy and moderately sad. Noooo! Don’t do it cons...

So its true after all...humans are primarily animals with emotions that are namesake and relations that are baggage. Life goes on and we just get use to it. Everything it throws at us whether we hate it or like, we just pick it up, live with it and even learn to love it. Erasing all the traces of good and bad, all the traces of true and false, all the traces of friends, family and enemies erasing all the traces of permanent and  temporary.....w e just accept it with a defeat, as if it has been like this forever and it will be. But the truth is, we just don't care about anything and anyone beyond us, precisely the only thing that differentiates us from animals.

In a church, when I don’t press my palms together and pretend to pray like everyone else, but just stare at that poor man hung on a cross drenched in his own blood and pain. Father: what do u look at, so intensely child? Me: I wonder father. Father: what do you ponder on? Me: whom do I pray for? Me or this man hung up here? Father: He doesn't need prayers; He is the one who answers our prayers. He is the son of God. Me: hahhaha father do you really believe that? Look at him!!!! What have you been smoking? hahhaha Father: (smiles) you are not a Christian are you? Me: how is that any different from me being a Christian?  Father: what is your religion, child? Me: no. religion doesn't belong to me. Father: oh! So you’re the atheist types  Me: oh no, I have faith, I have a lot of faith Father: in what? Me: in me, in my God. Well he is actually not just mine, just that when he is with me he is a...

Exactly 2 weeks from now, I was in a different world with the same people that I am now, but doing something different. Not far from the  gregarious metropolis Mumbai is place called Matheran. My friend asked me what it means I deciphered the word and gave her a literal meaning, ‘the forest on the forehead’. ‘Matha’ as in forehead and ‘Ran’ meaning forest. I don’t know if my answer was correct but nonetheless I told her and she bought it, confidence can do wonders huh! It was a last minute plan like all our plans and a result of a flop plan ‘A’. trust me there is a reason why plan ‘A’ fails, and a good one. We were scheduled to go to my grandmother’s house. A village on the outskirts of the city and on the verge of breaking puberty and entering town-hood. But, didn’t happen. Somewhere am glad it didn’t happen, of course I made a sad face and promised a visit to my grandma for the next month. So plan B was made within 2 hrs. One of my friend’s family friends lived ...

water color painting

the roster pencil doodles colored in photoshop

some dreamy doodles one with color this time. medium: pencil, color pencils copy on the colored doodle(in case its not visible): if wings had eyes of their own, they would probably fly to nowhere

keep me anywhere i don't belong, give a pencil and a paper and this is what will happen

Am no God, don't expect me to be perfect. yes i make mistakes and regret them. and i DO say sorry too, provided you wanna hear it. if not i just throw a sorry in the universe and hope it reaches you in your sound health. i regret my mistakes enough to not repeat them but not enough to beat myself about it to end all fun or to end all life in me.  unapologetic as it may seem, practical is what i think about it. so yes i have hurt many people, shoved off the ones who showered me with their love, doubted people who genuinely have been nice to me. why is it wrong i ask?  let me repeat 'i am NO god'! i cant forecast fate! i have to weigh both sides of a coin, i have to take my own time to come around. so how is it my fault that you didn't have patience enough to stick around by the time i felt safe. how is it my fault if your friendship/ love/ trust/ blah wasn't strong enough to wait. you think i am a cold person? i am a loner? so be it....