PURNAMIDAM - mindlessly mindful

Lately I have been attracted to certain couples. No not in a bisexual way, but in an 'I want that for me way. Have you ever seen two people in a relationship and felt like, ‘I wanna hangout with them more often, pretty much all the time’ and not with just one of them but both TOGETHER. Also you don’t feel like a third wheel when you are with them, you are just plain curious to see how do they do it? How do they manage to be so simple, so non dramatic and so connected. You actually start to believe that the more time you spend with them, the more you increase the possibility of finding similar reality for yourself. And it is not some fake lovey dovey, ‘oh we are so in love’ mushy, pukey stuff. It’s just two people living their reality with absolute honesty, oblivious to the world watching them. And I don’t just mean romantic relationships. I use to envy a friend for the kind of fun, open relationship she shared with her mom and another friend fo...

Hello everyone. I know a lot of you are watching me. I hope you are reading me too. It’s been over 3 years since I officially stopped doing a job and became a full time experimental farmer/naturalist/ environmentalist and goes on the list of such fancy words. A lot of you who know me personally applauded me for being brave to shift gears like this, envied me for being able to do what I love, put me on a pedestal of “you inspire us”, and showed concern over choosing the lesser.  Well, thanks but no thanks. I obviously didn’t do any of this for attention, good or bad. Let me explain the bad; “Organic Farming!? Isn’t that some fancy elite hobby?”  Please stand in sun and dust for 8 whole minutes let alone 8 hours, there is nothing fancy or elite about that. “ Organic is a farce” unfortunately there are people who have made ORGANIC sound like a cuss word , I accept. “ Do you ever make any money? Farming is a low job, I hope you don’t commit suicide” as long as there are people ...

I want to be so lonely , that I start to live again. So hopeless that I start to see again. I just want you to bloody get out of my head! Please get out. 'How do you do?' You ask me. I don’t bloody know! Confused, guilty, angry, hurt, tiered and even shocked may be; but 'I am fine’, I say and you carry on. I feel like a half worn off sticker on the door; neither completely in nor out. Stuck somewhere between, what only seems like the parody of life. No, I am not sick, but I am sick of this world. No, not of my life, but of those who force ownership in it. Of those who wring it apart. 'I need help', you say, while you shamelessly take away, every drop of me. It’s a world of scoundrels! Of this, thou shall never let me forget. I rest in peace, in knowing I have been right all along, about taming this monster within me, to not engage, to not feel, to not react. A monster, so dearly known as heart.

I tried I tried to live ideal I tried to live polite I tried to live healthy I tried to live wealthy I tried to live poor I tried to live happy I tried to live successful I tried to live saintly I tried to live crazy I tried to live wise I tried to live in love I tried to live in despise I tried to live to please you I tried to live to please me and finally, I realized we always need to try to live but dying is the only thing that doesn't make you work while I was trying to live, I learned how to die. 

She stole, she hid, she lied. She deceived and she cheated.  Sounds like a very, very wrong women, doesn't she?     She stole glances at strangers on the street to imagine their stories. She hid herself from the world in fear of being hurt. She lied to herself, when she told they couldn't hurt her no more. She deceived her friends, when she all alone, danced herself into the night She cheated the Sun every morning, when the bed and wine chained her feet and mind Still sounds like a very, very wrong women, doesn't she?

True love is on its way , a little far a little stray. But here to stay, after all the price we pay. True love is no mystery, it is the in fact the simplest complexity. It is the thirst of humanity, to be quenched by its proximity. True love is a sham some days, it's a the claw that clams my grace. I see the bright blue Sunrays at the beach as my heart floats away, dancing with waves. True love!? ‘huh’! I let out a small laugh; for a humanity that's forgotten it's clause. All my will is beat and still, as I watch the world in a languid pause.

Public Friends Friends except acquaintances Only Me Custom college greenpeace See all lists... stall tr Origin Beanstalk Creative Consultants Lok Puram Public School Greenpeace India Mumbai, Maharashtra, India Area Thoughtrains Designs Pvt. Ltd. Family Acquaintances Go Back Don't talk to me you're not my best friend don't talk to me you're not the one I love don't talk to me as you're simply not me Take your opinionated hands off of me As they are just too heavy To allow them to rest on my puny body You can't hold me by your stupefying care You can't hold me by your diabetic love If at all you want to hold me, hold me by the noose The real one Share with me your dreams and visions Your imaginations Share with me your thoughts and tastes Maybe even your mistakes Share with me your innermost demons and fear But your love, never! And even if you do Don't be startled if you receive In return a deceive As I can only return what I have in this he...

Turn at the corner, don't look back! The walls rise behind you, of memories, as they stack. Oh and that just rhymed! But did it make sense? Of course! The rhyme was on purposes, so put down your macro lens.   Life! they said, wasn't about finding a meaning, but about giving the meaning. I know I broke my rhyme scheme, but what is it, when compared to broken dreams.   Day and night, drop by drop, we collect sweet nothings. Only to drop the sweet at every corner and move ahead with NOTHING.   How many more corners? Haven't I come a full circle yet? I know circles don't have corners But this is far less weird than it often gets.   You ask me stupid questions ‘Are you hurt?’ Disappointed may be ‘Did you learn?’ I don't know ‘Have you changed?’ May be by an inch. But for once will you care To tell me ‘It will be alright' Oh, and please as you say it Try not to flinch.   I love you I h...

why do you say 'my head is spinning' when you have too many thoughts and chaos in your mind. i guess cause it virtually represents a negative magnet pole dropped in the space of positive circular magnetic space. my thoughts have been banging against the wall of my brain and against each other. and what i desparatly need is that small gap for it to all come out

  When you are born and raised in a middle class Hindu family settled in India, there are not many chances of you growing up to be an atheist; especially if you belong to the city that never sleeps aka the city that celebrates ALL possible festivals on earth. Mumbai is where religiousness makes way for spirituality. Mumbai is where you will come across atheists who conveniently forget their ‘FAITH’ to participate in festivities and remember it as per their need to be cool. As for me, well, I don’t know who I am yet. I was born indifferent, raised religious, self taught spirituality, self proclaimed animist; right now confused and probably die an indifferent again. Life is a full circle they say. Life! What is it? What is life? Is it a she or a he or a it? I like being high, I like being high on such thoughts too; or maybe that’s precisely why I like being high. When I was a kid, every Sunday evening was the ‘Om Namhashivay’ evening. A dedicated half hour that unraveled the ...

They weren’t lovers, just two lost souls with a similar vibe. They were out in the middle of the sea. Willingly lost in eternity. One night on the boat they had the same dream, like watching a movie together in sleep. With the first rays of the rising sun they rose to a new truth of life. Something felt different, something felt alive. She was standing at the edge of the boat staring at the sea with confused eyes. Subconsciously leaning to jump outside. He watched her, but didn’t stop her. He knew she couldn’t swim, but something felt right, or was he plain curious, he didn’t realize. She jumped. She went straight into the water and deep inside. For a long time, there was no sign. “Did she drown? Was she caught by a shark? Where did she go?” he fretted the time, bending over the edge looking for her.  Just as he decided to take a plunge himself, zoomed out something at a lightning speed and went high into the sky. “What was it? Was it a dolphin, a seabird or a flying fish?” h...

Kisine sach hi kaha hai choti choti baatein bade bade assar kar jati hai. Kabhi yuhi chalet chalet kisi dost ki sharat yaad ana. Nahate waqt holi me bhigna yaad aana. To kabhi bus stop pe khade school jate bachoon ko dekhke kisi chote bhai ya behen ki yaad ana to kabhi apne hi school ke din yaad ana. Ye aksar hota hai. Aur jab hota hai tab chehre par ek uncontrollable smile ka ajana. Life humesha sad nahi hoti, yaade humesha rula nahi jati. Bita hua pal khushiyose bhara ho yaa dard se, jo insane jine ki ichha rakhta hai use har yaad gudgudake hi jaati hai. Par jo insane sab hoke bhi haara hua sa rahe use ye yaade daulat nahi torture lagti hai. Mujhe haarna nahi hai. Achhi yade mujhe housla deti hai aur buri, sikh. Mujhe jina hai, har pal. Kyu insan maut ke darwaze pe ake hi jine ki khwaish rakhta hai? jab zindagi pass hoti hai to kyu usse nazarandaz kardeta hai? Ha bhai! mai shaant hu. Apne me hi khoi rehti hu, muskurati bhi thoda kum hu, par mai ji rahi hu. Zindagi me aya hue har ...

You’re so beautiful, an angel almost. But the truth is you are nothing but an idol. When I look into your eyes, I get lost. Lost like a frightened child in a busy market. I want to ask you a question. How can you be so calm? Does it come from ignorance? Are you ignorant to all that is happening around or is it what you choose? Did you want this to happen? Or is the calmness another of man’s evil painted on your face. So that everything remains unaffected and humanity goes on believing in you, in your existence, in your unfazed superiority. Is there a soul inside that idol? Is it weeping? Do you hate it when we make your smiling idols and force you to smile even when you are falling apart inside? Can you even fall apart? Gods never fall apart huh! Tell me how different are you from a women who is beaten day in and day out and yet made to put on her best face and serve her family, misguide the society, forced to act happy. I am your wronged child and I also force you to smile by pain...

See-saw: ek uppar jata hai to dusra niche girta hai, lekin agar gira hua uthke nikal jae to hum jooorse niche patakte hai (in short gira hua insane bhi jaroori hai) Swing: jitni tezee se aage jaoge utnnihi tezi se piche aaoge Monkey bar: niche mat dekhna, piche mat dekhna…pagal jaise bas agge chadhte jana Merry go round: khayalo me gol gol ghumo mat, aage to badhoge nahi par chakkara ke wahi gir jaoge Spring riders: ye spring bade kaam ki chees hai ;) Slide: kabhi kabar phisal jaoo, phislne me bhi maza hai Conclusion: garden = zindagi, bas khelte raho J Re dil garden garden ho gaya Ke bhanwra bagiyan mein kho gaya Ke dil garden garden.. pa pa pa ra pa..

I wanna use Facebook in my office, man! I wanna use Facebook, finish writing my long pending book, use Stumble Upon, may be some porn :P Ohk no, not porn, but you get my point right? Some days I just don’t wanna work! I DON’T WANNA WORK!! I mean the internet is full of so many interesting, creative and productive things man! Like cute cat faces! And Batman jokes and CID and Rajnikant jokes. Right! I mean whoever comes up with those jokes dude, he is productive (don’t laugh. Do you know the size of their fan base? They probably make millions from merchandising Yo! Yeah now who’s laughing??) Anyways so the part that sucks in my life is that my boss’ cabin …right behind me! Yeah it’s right there. Every time he steps out of that cabin, what does he do first? See my screen! Fatso wants to drink water, take a leak, drink coffee, or simply play the boss…every bloody time my screen is right up offering itself to be gawked at like a whore. So I came up with this idea. Open all your work f...

Technology is my 2nd love, first being nature. I wondered if the two could live in complete harmony, not a marriage though. Marriage somehow can never be perceived as complete harmony by me. It amazes me to see how the fanatics of either world refused to see the miracles of the other.  How can you deny the interdependence, when you see NGOs using social media network to propagate. And how could you deny the raw material for technology was a part of nature once? It’s like these people are indifferent to common sense. But then, what if the global warming was meant to happen, like the dinosaurs were meant to disappear? what if nature is not as perfect as we believe? What if nature was inclined to making mistakes too? ‘Man is the biggest mistake of nature!’ we all crib, okay! all the ‘eco-friendly-s’ crib. But what if man was the one meant to fix things? And what if global warming was his weapon to do so? None of us knows what is going to happen after when global warmin...

I can’t see you. I see your soul, and I wish you could see mine too. It’s okay if you can’t; sometimes even I feel empty in my soul. I am so tired………; Tired of moving from one to other, tired of chasing god knows what. I expect people to understand me, to accept me and love me, when I myself can’t do any of that to my own. I don’t understand me; one moment I want to be all alone and the next I wish I had someone to love, to sink into their arms and forget the world, to feel little again, to feel careless again. Sometimes I feel a weird invincible strength in being alone and then I also feel if I just had that one love in life I could conquer the whole world. One moment I want to own the whole damn world the next I could be the wandering fakir, no possessions, and no expectations, just so free. I haven’t yet accepted myself. It’s clear from the way I hide myself from people all the time; Always the listener never the speaker. It tortures my soul when I think why I can’t be simp...

Lust of a kind   They were so many, wandering on the streets, it didn’t matter if it was day or night, with lust in their eyes. A weird thirst and heat.   What were they looking for? The curiosity griped me. I followed them, became one of them, in pretence first. But later didn’t realize, as to when it gripped me tight   Now it’s impossible to rescue, deeper it sucks you. I became one of them in flesh and in soul   ‘Mind Prostitutes’ as they get called. Fiercely passionate is their love for the wonders of life   Minds fornicating, ejecting thoughts and bearing dreams. Once addicted you can’t stop. From one partner to other stimulation builds on Oh! What a mindful turn on!   There is no end. If you end their course, you end their life. Disloyal to their partners perhaps, But never to their dreams.   Don’t look into their eyes It is a teleporting device Will take you...

The word DEAR has somehow annoyed me to no end.  It doesn’t matter who it comes from, a girl friend or a guy friend or a stranger, especially more when it comes from a stranger. My instant reaction to such an addressing is ‘I am NOT your dear!! (Unless you mean a deer). The word annoys me even when I read it in comments written by unknown people on unknown blogs or profiles. I have whatsoever no relation with the addresser or the addressee except that I am a passive reader; and yet it annoys me! So I pondered for reasons, I read conversations where ‘dear’ was profusely used. I tried not to get irritated and actually understand what it makes me feel. Well it makes me feel lot many negative feelings than just irritation. Firstly it creeps me out, it scares me, and it creates suspicion in my head in regards with the writer’s intention behind such casual proximity. I shivered to know that a word which technically means ‘precious in one's regard’; to me means ‘threat’. In ...

Like angels kissing strangers Rising with the moonlight The flowers of your eyes Kiss my soul goodnight Finally the sleep fairy Has blessed me With much request And eyes, teary Won’t wake up soon Won’t give up this chance Don’t be gloom I've acquired a better stance  The scent of your eyes Will keep me strong On the other side As I wander long