PURNAMIDAM - mindlessly mindful

How a simple comment can set you back to the years worth of work you did on yourself. A mindless comment probably not even directed at you but just an utterance of their own entangled thoughts.  How everything just shatters and reality reduces to being fragments of your imagination once again. "It wasn't even real to begin with", you scoff at yourself. "You weren't real" you tell yourself.  It feels like someone punched you in the gut and stole your most prized possession and you couldn't retaliate. Took away your identity. Took away everything you thought you stood for. Stripped you naked. And who comes to your rescue in this nakedness? Ahhh!! your old friend, your demons ofcourse! Now, you're vulnerable, now you're easy to penetrate. And penetrate they do, deep into your skin, much deeper infact.  But it feels so familiar that you don't realize it is hurting you, maybe it really isn't . You don't realize it will once aga...

Compassionate Communication - What the fuck is that?  #longpostalert Haven’t we focused enough on languages, on what he said, she said. How about we focus on the language of the heart instead, the forgotten language. There are a lot of systems out there, life coaching, non violent communication, training to be an empath, Compassionate Communication, NLP, sociocracy etc, etc. what is the crux of these systems? Are they just tools and techniques of meandering our words and thoughts to make them sound thoughtful. To paint them so, that people believe you put a great effort and care into the relationship? Do they merely make you an excellent orator?  Or is it like magic trick to suddenly have everyone listen and agree to you? Am I supposed to lie to people and tell them only pleasent things? Is it about being ‘miss goody two shoes’? I have been exposed to some of the systems I mentioned above. Unfortunately I didn’t have the opportunity to attend a full-fledged workshop on any but...

They said we can’t tie up residential and farmers directly, middleman is essential. Now look who is compulsorily tying up residential and farmers directly. They said we have come too far we can’t just stop now. Look who has stopped everything overnight now. They said GDP was essential, brands are important, celebrities are gods. Look who is making everyone wait in line for hours for food, medicines and forcing us to be in shelters. They said we need RURAL DEVELOPMENT, because rural is not self dependent, self sufficient (read luxurious and wasteful) Look who is running back to the rural now? Look who is able to grow and feed their families with the “ESSENTIALS” now. Look who is helplessly dependent on resources coming from NOT the urban. They said we don’t have enough houses so we need to stack them in tight spaces one above the other in conditions that may keep you alive but kill the life in you. Look who demands social and physical distancing now, look who is scared to shit about hig...

When you sleep besides me, as our bodies lay there next to each other, I want to hold your face in my palms ever so gently, and lift it. I want to kiss you many times ever so softly and not just on the lips. I want to tug you in my arms a little more tightly. Deep in dream, when your body twitches,  I want to love you. I want to redefine ‘making love’, with you.   When you sleep beneath me, I want to rest my ‘heavy with thoughts’ head on your tightened shoulders. Slowly feel them loosening, slowly making room for the whole of me. I want to lay my heaving chest,  on your broad sturdy one. Slowly feel the narrowing space, between our pounding hearts. I want to love you I want to redefine ‘making love’, with you.   When you sleep over me, I want to feel the gust of your breaths fanning my neck. Easing my own scattered breaths. I want to feel your hands rest on my belly, calming the fluttering butterflies. I wa...

When I came home today I met mom under the building on her way to school she gave me a big tight hug, when I went up dad opened the door and gave me a good hug. That's so rare for my dad....I feel like finally the dynamics of my relationship with my parents is changing and for good. I know this moments are rare and far between but these are the only ones I want to remember even when things go bad. We are family and I don't care about the past and don't want to fret about the future like will we fight again will they expect unfair success from me again ....etc. just this! Just what happened today is what I want to remember them for always. Just to come home after a long time and hear my mom speak about otherwise unimportant things made me feel less lonely today. :)

https://monoset.com/blogs/journal/a-letter-from-albert-einstein-to-his-daughter-on-the-universal-force-of-love

I had once been through a phase where I use to watch a lot of movies alone. At first it was like 'Oh wow my first movie alone in theatre! Write a post, save the ticket.’ Then it started happening a lot and I lost count of how many movies I saw alone in the theatres. How did that happen? Well, it was the time when I was doing a lot of 'figuring out myself' things, dealing with depression, anxiety, and loneliness; all in all it was a crazy time. Oh yes, it doesn’t just happen to rich and famous, it’s pretty prevalent. For people from mediocre lives and familes, everyday business gets pretty tough to deal with at times. Is it easy to talk about it ? It’s tough, I mean people are telling you they love you and care for you all the time but there are days when you just can’t believe any of it. It hurts. The shit is quite real. I remember this one time; I went to my room and locked the door. My father was sleeping in the next room and my mom was in the li...

Because we have Google,  our brains are shrinking,  we don't have to remember anything.  Because we have Google, our friendships are ruining,  we are just Facebooking. Because we have Google,  our parents aren't parenting,  they're simply Googling.  Because we have Google,  our teachers aren't teaching,  we are simply copy pasting. Because we have Google,  we have no secret dear dairy, we are simply blogging to the whole wide world. Because we have Google,  we have no library,  we have no chance of exchanging blushed glances with our book-soulmate. Because we have Google,  we have no yearning of faraway places, we just scroll through their 360’ Google images. Because we have Google,  we are forgetting the magic of theatres, we are simply YouTubing.   Because we have Google,  we aren't really living a life anymore, we are just browsing.

Two days ago I read a news paper headline that praised a man for providing or helping several rural households to shift from fire wood stove to LPG gas. One week ago I attended a lecture by a man who claimed to have not used LPG gas, fuel and electricity for the last 13 years. Now there were many youngsters and a few old people but almost everyone a city dweller and praising this man, Dilip Kulkarni for his courage to do so when he himself was a city dweller once upon a time. Now he lives in a rural area in Dapoli. We the developed, we the civilized have ruined enough. Let us not ruin the rural too by forcing/luring/ fooling them into imitating us. So let’s weigh both sides of this debate. Fire wood stove causes smoke, pollution, leads to deforestation, and cause’s respiratory illness in the rural households. Shall we see the counter points? 1) Not all fire wood is acquired by chopping trees; most rural families especially tribal collect the dead dry fallen branches, twigs...

You may say am a dreamer, of nightmares mostly and I will agree. I dream with eyes wide open, but it’s mostly written off as over thinking. So during one such fit of dream I got thinking about souls and the whole soul-mate theories. It feels just like death, i.e you have to die to know if heaven and hell exist, or is there a universe beyond this, or nothing. I did like to believe its nothing but am not dead yet, just as I haven’t found a soul mate yet. Just as I have found a lot of souls (people who aren’t dead though) men and women who are beautiful (not without their ugly self) and they are all proudly my mates. Just as I see people struggling to be with each other when they are clearly not supposed to or don’t want to. They aren’t soulmates. You don’t need to be an expert to see that. These are the universal errors (pun absolutely intended). It’s like they got married/together when the universe wasn’t looking like some naughty teenagers and then to add to the annoyance decided to r...

इज्ज़त का शिकार हूं मैं  वक्त का गुलाम हूं मैं  पैगाम तो कई आए उस पार से पर शराफत का नकाब हूं मैं। मिलना हो अगर तो मिलेंगे किसी रोज़ मिलना हो ही ना कभी तो ना होगा अफसोस  रोज़ रोज़ मिलने को ना अब बेताब हूं मैं।  हारे हुए की शक्ल नहीं होती  बदनाम कभी अक्ल नहीं होती  शक्ल और अक्ल इन दोनों से भी रिश्ता कई बार खो चुका हूं मैं।  करने को करते हैं हम शायरी  दरजे के हम नहीं लाज़मी लफ्ज़ निकलते हैं सो लिखते हैं हम फटे हुए कागज़ पे भीगी हुईं स्याही हूं मैं।

रुक जा जरा देख तो ले एक पल! कैसे खडे है राह मे एकसाथ होकर भी न मिलकर। किसी का रंग अलग किसी का रूप अलग कही कद अलग कही घेर अलग। किसी की बाँहें आसमान को चूमती  किसी की हवा संग झूलती  मगर जड़ें सबकी जमीन पे ही रेंगती। जैसे कोई जाल रोकना चाहें किसी धारा को  जो अाज तक किसीके लिए न रुकी। काट रहे उस तूफान को जिसने आज तक न जाने काटे है कितनें परवत। छान रहे उस सूरज को जिसने जला कर राख कर दिया न जाने कितनों को।  यह हैं जंगल!  सदियों से रहा धीट  प्रतीक अनेकता मे एकता का भिन्नता मे छुपी सुंदरता का। कह रहा है तुझसे ऐ इनसान   रुक जा जरा एक पल  देख तो ले! जिंदगी दौड़ मे नहीं  उस थमें हुए पल मे मिलती है  कलियां तेरे सीने पर लटकी माला मे नहीं  मेरी रगों मे झूलती डाल पे खीलती है जरा देख तो ले!

Because it won't stop hurting, You make it stop existing. Because it won't be the same, You tell yourself it was always lame. Because no one sees what you have become,  You be, who you never were.  The mornings don't start with chirping sparrows anymore, It’s the drilling of ground, opposite my window.  A new building will rise,  just like one fine day the building I live in did. I wake up cursing them, "rascals took away my view", Just like the old guy in the old building next to mine did.  And because no one ever stops cursing, what is happening will happen. I thought I was making a difference. Rather I was rendered speechless, When they asked me, "to whom?" I thought I was getting better, But I only got more confused. I want to breath, But I keep forgetting. I want to feel, But I keep dismissing. And now the only thing I wait to see, are the pink skies before the storm. Because no rose is as rosy as the one in a bunch of sticks. 

Every parent needs to put this notice outside their door. Don’t ask my child what do they want to be when they grow up. Who said they can only be one thing? Don’t tell them experiencing things is less important than achieving things. Ask them what new they learned, not just in school but even otherwise.   Don't ask them what is their favourite subject. Ask them what they enjoy doing. Don't say things like 'you are too small for this' or 'you are too old for that.' Don't start conversations with ‘you can't, you won't, you shouldn't.’ Ask them why they want to do what they want to do, instead.   Don't tell them you are very pretty. Tell them exactly what about them you find beautiful, instead. Don’t forget to mention it’s your individual opinion and not everyone may agree.   Don't keep smiling at them, like a retard or psycho-killer for longer than 5 secs. You can stare blankly at them, smile, laugh, frown, make funny faces even cry if you...

Today i met a nomadic lady  at a farm while buying goat dung. She must have been my age and had a 2 yr old daughter. She was dark, bright eyes, forehead smeared with kumkum, hair matted in dreadlocks and with a piercing gaze. The 1st thing she asked me was 'do you have a sister?' Which ofcorse i found quite strange for the first most thing to say to  a person you just met. i nodded yes. 'And brother?' i nodded no. Then she started asking me lot of questions that i found invasive like was my sister married, was i married , where do i hail from what would i do with goat dung and where i got vegetables saplings from. I decided to answer all her questions with a smile instead of the initial hesitation. At that point i got a bit comfortable and started asking her some questions too. I realized how much we city folks are always on our gaurds, doubting everything and everyone's motives. The only thing we end up gaurding is our ignorance.  Very often i have had these vis...

1 He: wont you fall in love with me? She: do you want me to? He: yes She:okay, then i will fall in love with you...just like i fell in love with the rest of them, and when the time comes i will get over you...just like i got over the rest of them. He: why will you get over me? She: what do you do with people who leave? ......No, I dont hate them. You cant really hate someone you have once loved. You can only love the next one a bit less. 2 A peck on the lips in a hall full of people He: hey may be you shouldnt kiss me in front of so many people She: why are you shy? He: no its just...am sorry but i cant stay She: don't worry, won't keep you He: hm She: you're the one i would rather live than live with. A kiss on the lips in a heart full of dreams 3 He: I really like spending time with you. I did rather just waste all my time with you  than anything else. She: It is really sweet of you to say such things! You are always saying nice things. He: but you nev...

When you are girl in your late twenties born to a set of middle class Indian parents, the only "important discussions" that happen for the lavish 4 -5 hours that you are awake at home is "marriage". In your early twenties, finding a match is like some Olympic championship for your parents, there is a routine to their efforts, rhythm to their practice. But by late twenties even your parents hope you had a boyfriend. "Why can’t you make our work easy" they say, especially for someone like me whose, neither job profile nor personal profile can be defined by understandable standards of the majority. I quit my job as a copywriter to become a writer, a farmer, a doodler, a brand ambassador of sustainable naturalist lifestyle. I haven’t made good money for long but I have big plans (as always). I can and have lived 5star and roughed it out with same ease. I can be ambitious and lazy with same diligence. I want to live the rest of my life in my private farm (read ...

DONT JUST BE A NATURE LOVER You will meet many people, who will tell you ‘They are nature lovers', they enjoy being surrounded by nature. But what they really say, is that 'I enjoy sitting in veranda of a cemented house full of conveniences and a butler who brings me my tea and be surrounded by lawn, a few plants that my gardener planted, a mountain in far off view and just the right amount of rain falling through the sunlit skies.' this is probably more accurate as 'Nature Admirer' But some of you love Nature like a mad lover, who is dying to fall into its deep muddy pits, yearning to trace its gigantic curves and fall into its darkest valleys, courageous to be swept of your feet by the angrily gushing rivers, brave enough to brush your fingers through its thorny bushes and touch your lips over its bitter most fruits. You will never tell anyone that you are a nature lover. The mere mention of Nature will make your eyes twinkle with tears in yearning of your bel...