PURNAMIDAM - mindlessly mindful

AM JUST A LIL GUL LOST IN DA MIDDLE, LA LA ALA LA LA , DUM DIRAM DA DUM DIRAM , JUS ENJOY DA SHOW. n tats exactly wat am doing,i have neva seen a movie better n vivid than this and its called LIFE. once again am in a stage where i dont feel content, y am i so selfish, y do i refuse to growup, its so damn hard to jus do wat u want, without hurting your close ones, but then again if ur close ones hate it when you like it are they really your closedones?????????? or are you the bad guy????????? everyone calls me lazy i am lazy!!, lazy is nice, actualy its not lazy, its called being withdrawn no hassels, no attachments, no expectations, no expressions, just njoy da show be an audiance (but not always, atleast not when its PARTYYY TIME!!! ) HAPPY HOLIDAYS PPL

every working human must have said this statment in his/her life atleast once, and tat is, "the one and only good thing about doing a job is, THE MONEY". ohk can nebody solve this mystry for me??? was 10 and hated skool like hell, after passing out sat on da parapet oppsite the skool wid frnds and breathed heavy. went to college hated it too, nothing worth except da campus, filled woth gujrathis all over, served samosa with sambar, wat a combo, i must say. no one i cud match my frequency wid. all my classmates had there lil groups(coocons), non an explorer, still managed to make few frnds (well tat i always do) bt didnt expect much off them. by the time it was time to leave collg almost entier class was frnds with each other. left coll and felt like turning the time backwards. now i have a job, made a lot of frnds too, bt still feel like something is missing. y is it tat we always like something wen its gone? y do we keep running behind those things tat we shudnt

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sigh............. its been long i haven't written nething. well i have stumbled upon a phase in life where u feeling like nothing is happening n nothing will ever happen, standstill, dead end, wat else can u call it?????? well even death is not a dead end, i.e of course if u believe in rebirth. so with new hope u start out again, but someone comes along n shows how hollow or rather weak ur hope is. u wanna kill that person avoid him/her, ignore him/her, but u cant. coz deep down u know the truth too. you start avoiding ppl who you thought were ur soul mates, best friends forever, blah blah blah. you don't hate them, its not even like you care less about them. the very ppl with whom u cud talk to, at lengths, hours n hours together, now seem distant uninteresting. this is just a phase in life, it has to pass, may be its time for some soul searching, travelling, or may be just plugging your ears n sleeping 14 hrs a day.

A few days back i went to a studio where children were modelling. After watching kids in advertisement and in movies I shouldn't have been amazed and surprised of the fact that children can also be the subject of photo shoots. The photographer was a bit annoying though asking the kids to pose in various manners. And the only words he had to encourage those kids were, ‘awesome' 'beautiful child' 'great pose'. He uttered the word awesome, about a thousand times, and hey all children ARE! nothing but beautiful!! Seriously, even the parents had started giving instructions to their respective child. Poor children!! One incident that I must share though. There was a girl about 10 or 11 yrs old. The kind of poses she was giving, she would have easily overthrown Tyra Banks. The photographer asked her, after a while to stop posing like that and act her age, like a 10 yr old. Looking at her blank expression, I really wonder, if

one of my friend was asked "what is true love to you?", he said "its a waste of time and money". one "yes" followed this remark. Of course they were both hurt in love, and drunk at that time. But seriously what is love? If I were asked the same question, I would say"love is like air" (not love is in the air that's a different phrase , i hope u know). It has different elements and compositions like air. It has different forms like air, and just like air you can never see it but feel it. It is as limitless and free as air. I personally hate the words 'boyfriend and girlfriend' sounds too lame, typical and possessive to me. All you can do is breath love, feel it, enjoy it and then let it pass through you making space for the next. Ever heard of air to be in one place forever?? no right!! then don't review the entire show of LIFE on the basis of just one episode. love one and love all. Be happy people.

Image via Wikipedia 'creative brain and abstract person' is the compliment i received from a friend on orkut. This is not the first time I have received this compliment, but it is the first time it has angered me. Previously I use to like it when people called me creative, it use to flatter me, in my mind I would say "wow man! that's great people think I am creative they think am smart , I must be at a higher level than the others". But today it just annoyed me, 'creative'.. bullshit, either they are saying it cause they want me to appreciate their work too, or they are just being polite, i don't know. Sometimes I feel like a total screw up, I don't have the street smartness or the skills of playing politics and manipulating things, I am utterly lazy and awkwardly shy, how am i ever gonna sustain in this media industry tat i haven't even entered yet? I know what an utter moron I am, people never see that(if hiding tat flaw is creativity then

graduating from college gives you weird feelings you are happy tat finally you have graduated and no more exams , sleepless nights spent over assignments and projects and at the same time no more daily hangout wid friends either. but that's still something very common. i went and collected my final year mark sheet yesterday . somehow i was not excited to see it, I was not excited to know my result. I knew i wud pass, n i did, may be tats y i don't feel the excitement . what i had always worried abt is making this education worth all the money i paid for it. but here i am having second thoughts about changing fields , that wud include another 3-4 yrs of college education and 4-5 lakhs of rupees, neither of which i am willing to spend. worst is i don't noe which field to get into if i actually do change. this has always been a problem for me since i was school kid. y cant i fix my mind to one thing? i have been accused of being unstable all my life. honestly,

this my first time ever as a blogger. every1 wants to blog these days, why wont they when they can earn money through just stiing at one place blurting out something even they dont understand. well, honestly am one of them. when i was in school we had diary writting in grammer, i tried once and them left it only to come back it now. the thougt of some1 peeping into my personal space scared me, but here i am letting the whole world read my mindless mind. neways i realy dont think this will entierly be a dairy sort of a thing. looking forward to making friends and have some sensible talk with people who realy care to exist. dont live just because you have been born in this world-live because you like the feeling of beening alive.